Wasting Away Again In a Suburb of Margaritaville

Here is the breakdown of what I did this weekend, and what I assume Abby did this weekend:

Friday-
(Afternoon)
Des: Finished work, came home, packed and met up with Mark to go camping out in central Washington
Abby: Ate. Ate some more. Watched bad TV. Waited for Des to get home. Ate again. Told Des she'll starving to death.
(Night)
Des: Arrived in a small town close to Othello, consumed fermented malt beverages, debated the validity of the DH rule, the best type of ketchup, threw rocks at other rocks, peed outdoors, explored a field, saw a waterfall, peed at the waterfall to prove it's inadequacy.
Abby: Got comfortable, fed the dogs, ate again, sleep

Saturday-
(Early morning)
Des: Finish sitting around the fire, sleep
Abby: Wake up to pee. Inhale a powerbar and a handful of trail mix.
(Regular morning)
Des: Wake up, fail to light the stove, agree that contracting out coffee and breakfast production is probably for the best. Then, make an entire rural diner awkwardly avoid eye contact with the rowdy table of twenty-something, stinky, men.
Abby: Continue sleeping. Ignore the dog's pleas to be let out or fed. Feel no remorse for it.
(Afternoon)
Des: Extreme Bocce. Loser rolls the cooler.
Abby: Eat. Nap. Head to Bellingham for fair food, family, festivities, and alliteration.
(Evening)
Des: Enjoy a calm, un-sunburned, entirely sober, non-dude-tacular, intellectually stimulating, spiritually fulfilling, dust-free night in eastern Washington.
Abby: Arrive home, eat, watch more TV, eat again, and settle in for a night of Des-free slumber.
(Late night)
Des: Make good decisions.
Abby: Sleep, pee, eat, sleep.

Sunday-
(Most of the Day)
Des: re-assimilate into the civilized work. Try to unlearn the Lord of the Flies like lessons. Enjoy the wonder that is the KFC Doubledown. Regret the Horrible grotesque that is the KFC Doubledown. Get stuck in traffic.
Abby: Finish off all edible food within reach of the couch. Wait for the return of her personal chef, butler, and assistant. Begin to waste away from hunger.
Babies: Claw at her insides, whisper disention directly to her brain. Begin to convince Abby it is Des' fault she is hungry and has not returned.
(Rest of the Day)
Des: Arrive home, cook, feed the dogs, feed the wife, shower, give a massage, solve world hunger(hint, it involves kelp based frozen foods), begin to realize how much a 26 year old body dislikes a weekend of camping, sleep.
Abby: Welcome home Des with a hungry scowl, scowl less after eating, feel neutral after husband de-stinks, smile after a back rub, sleep.
Babies: Somersaults, rib kicking, and clawing at the walls of the meat prison.