Little Women

Three of them.

I'm going to be behind enemy lines, with no backup.

I'm really excited, because I get to dress the little girls up in pretty dresses and pig-tails, but I still don't understand fully grown women. How am I supposed to comprehend the complex emotions, desires and needs of immature ones?

I mean, just imagine: 2 girls bringing over prom dates. Am I supposed to wait for both of them to show before I do the shotgun cleaning bit, "Do you know what justifiable homicide is?" Do I have to do it twice? How do I make it perfectly clear to them that I was once a high school male; and I know what he's hoping will happen, but it won't, oh god I hope it won't. I wouldn't be mad, just disappointed.

Do I handle upset little girls the same way I pacify all of Abby's complaints: "Yes. I'm sorry. I love you."

Am I responsible for trying to convey how utterly clueless, stupid and irresponsible young men are? I'm married to a woman, and I still don't think she fully grasps the depths of my dumbness.

How the hell are we supposed to pay for 2 weddings when the time comes?

There are a few upsides:
1. If they look anything like their mother, they'll be beautiful
2. They'll be surrounded with unconditional love, which tends to raise better people
3. They'll have a built in best girlfriend support system
4. I get to buy them cute dresses and make them into daddies girls
5. I won't have to try to teach little boys how completely silly and irrational girls are