Generic Post Template

**Don't Post**
[Outrageous Statement]

Weak Justification. Rational explanation and further explanation. Bordeline offensive metaphor.

*Body*
Insinuate mental prowess and superiority to peers. (note: don't overtly state "I'm better than everyone, and have better taste in music." big turnoff) Pop Culture reference. Weak jsutification to post silly, non-sequiter picture.





mmmmmm..... Yeah; just like that.







*New Topic*(Note: Abrupt change in topic prevents reader from noticing I have no idea where I'm going with this)

Statement of fact. Twist fact. Propose examining of social norms from "outside the box." Attempt to set the box on fire. Realize box is important part of fabric of society. Pull it back in a bit, through the use of an off-putting simile. Wikipedia Link to relevant data.

Heartfelt/Mushy statement of adoration toward wife/children/sandwich/weather. Intentional mis-statement to cause calls of concern to Wife. Obscure 80's child's cartoon reference. (note: obscurity=hilarity.) Another crude transition as an excuse to use cool image.




Goddammit, I love you, Peyton. There's no need to be angry. You had me at "hot-route." I'm still trying to come up with a way for us to be together. Does Vermont have a football team? Maybe I can get Roger Goodell to start an expansion team there.





*Conclusion*
Use a good sentence from above, but use Google thesaurus to change all the words. Rap reference.


***Possible Topics to be explored/tasks to accomplish***(delete after use)
-Diaper contents
-Frequency, pitch, and enjoyment of farting
-Lack of sleep
-Wife's Body (update: Avoid! Danger! Tell her she's pretty... frequently.)
-Jenifer Lopez: validity as judge of American Idol
-Cry translation software.
-How far away can I pee into the toilet from? (research without Wife home)
-Dogs as mounts
-Bob Villa
-Peyton (swoon): I can't get enough
-Use thesaurus to find words to make me sound smart
-Find more obscure references: TMNT, Cory Haim, Piranhas, Huffing sharpies, D.A.R.E., jorts, neon hammer pants, gold hammer pants, JNCOs, Boobie posters at Spencer's, Breast/Fruit shape comparison, Dick-shape fruit, list of double entendre, Jesus.
-Which baby is Godzilla, which is Mecha-Godzilla? Didn't Mothra have something to do with twins?
-Figure out some reason to mention Jesus, Buddha and Joseph Smith doing a jumping triple high-five, with explosions and monster-trucks in the background.