Duchesses of Hazard

To all my adoring fans: I am sorry that I have taken 2 weeks to write nothing. I was busy, then I wasn't busy and just forgot about it, then I was tired, then a bit hungry, then busy again.

Anyhow, we're in the clutch period now. 32 weeks pregnant, and the pull-by date is 37 weeks. Abby is really pregnant and it's affecting the way she goes about pretty much everything. Originally I had though that the state of being pregnant was a true/false condition. Where you were pregnant or not pregnant. You couldn't have a "minor case" of baby-in-you. I am now coming to understand that it's a very different spectrum.

For instance, if you are in a car and are stopped, then you can't be moving just a little and still be stopped. However, once the wheels start turning, you're moving. You may be moving just a little, or you could be going all "Thelma and Louise." You're moving. So, there are two states: Stopped and moving, but there's a whole bunch of stuff that falls under the state of moving.
-Getting T-boned or blindsided and sliding down an embankment
-Driving along at a leisurely pace and gradually shifting through the gears
-Or, as we found out ending up in a pre-recall Toyota, hurtling along with these guys:

1: "I sure hope that guy with a gun and sword doesn't do something awesome."

2: "It's not a gun, it's an epidural; and it's not a sword, it's a scalpel."

1: "Whatever."
(Quote: Matrix Reloaded)

So, yes, technically we are still just "moving"but we are REALLY moving now.

So far, I've had to help her put her shoes on, sit up and assist in bodily upkeep at one point or another. Lets hope I don't have to do anything degrading. I mean, washing her feet in scented oils while feeding her peeled grapes I'll do, but folding her laundry... no way. I already have a 7 page brochure just on how to fold the guest hand towels.

We also had an appointment to measure the babies yesterday. There's an estimated almost 9 pounds of baby inside my wife. I was trying to sympathize with that, and realized that nine is a lot of pounds. If I ate a nine pound ham and turkey provalone sandwich, I would be unhappy for a while. From Jerry Maguire, I learned that the human head weights eight pounds. Thusly; we can assume Abby has about 113% of an average human head in her abdomen. Imagine the size of your head, plus 13% and jam it into your beer gut. It would suck even before the head started yelling about Money Showing.

According to this Butterball Calculator a nine pound turkey would feed 4 adults and 1 child, and would have to thaw for 2 days and 6 hours. Admittedly, you would allegedly have leftovers, but a baby/turkey is really silly to make if you don't plan on making sandwiches or soup.





Pictured (Top To Bottom): Baby Sandwich, Baby Soup