Cha Cha Changes

There's been a lot of changes in our household as of late. That's the reason I am going to blame for my lack of posts. I say that like there's dozens of fans waiting on my pearls of wisdom. I doubt there is; it's probably mostly mark, my mom, and Chelsea. I suppose I could have some hidden, secret underground following. A bot in China breaks down my ramblings and posts them to twitter, and then a team of theologeans search them for clues to solve missing person cold cases.

"Sweet foil hat, man."

To be honest though, the reason is that I've been busy, and not feeling particularly hilarious. Mind you, I think of myself as just as awesome as always, I just haven't felt the need to validate myself.

Some of the changes we've seen that people may or may not have been aware of:

1. The girls are pretty stable, physically at least. They're really needy when it comes to affection. If I had a girlfriend like them, I'd say things about "needing space" and "you're smothering me" and "why do you cry so much about stupid shit?" and "I love you? is that what will make you stop?"

2. Big Momma has joined (willingly) the unwashed masses of min-van owners. It was the best negotiating that either of us had done, because we didn't really want it; and babies have made us poor.

3. I still think boobs are great. Somehow that sense of awe has survived the pumping and feeding and objectification of my wife's chesticles. That makes me happy, cause boob-loving is kind of a landmark in the landscape of my mind. Without that monument, I would probably get lost in my own psyche and latch onto one of my lesser interests, like personality, or "a sense of humor."

4. I can function on much less sleep than I thought. Where we're at now is nothing compared to the first few weeks, but there's enough short notice meetings in the middle of the night to really mess with your REM cycles. Plus, we're running with a pretty heft deficit. From what I hear, you never get caught up, you just get enough to keep going.

5. Abby's hair is falling out. She went to pull her hair back in a ponytail and realized that here temples are much thinner than she remembered. After setting up a doctor's appointment, she started in on one thing I've told her never to do: go to webMD and look up her symptoms. She convinced herself she had Lupus. Again. Blood was drawn, tests were run.

The doctor thinks she's under stress (dur!) and her hormones are going wonky (Double Dur!). Her body is realizing she's not pregnant, so it's letting go of all that lustrous hair her prenatals bestowed upon her. With twins, there was double the lady juices, and so the crash is double the depth. Her scalp is overshooting the expected shedding levels.

6. Our girls are developing distinct personalities:

JuJuBee has figured out how to roll back to front and will use that ability to get closer to you and claw your face with her talons.

Har Gow has decided that she would like to spend her life well fed, happy, and right where you left her.

7. We've moved the girls out of the room, and as of tuesday, are letting them cry themselves to sleep. This causes the Mrs. some physical discomfort, but it give me a sick sense of power. "I'm not a slave you your tiny vocal cords!"

8. I'm going through some serious withdrawals. I need my football. College, Pro, Lingerie (Go Mist!), I don't care. ESPN has stretched their offseason coverage to the limits. FoxSports has reported on the lockout past where a reasonable person would stop. The sports blogs have all thrown their hands up and said, "I got nothing. Seriously, I already covered spring ball, and all the schools are leaving for summer break." My fantasy football page won't even let me start the league because of the stupid lockout.

9. My sister is back from South Korea and living with us while helping with the girls, so abby could go back to work. I'm not sure if I had ever mentioned that, but it was a while ago.

In the words of a much more interesting man than myself: That's all I have to say about that.