Toil And Trouble

Abby has realized that as she's getting close to delivering, she's getting puffier. Puffy isn't the same thing as big, fat, or rotund. I want to make that very clear; she's a svelte and shapely person, that just happens to have a pair of stowaways.

As a result, she decided to finally take off the wedding ring. She did it to avoid all sorts of things that could happen if she swelled up and couldn't get the ring of with the normal combination of spit and pulling. Some gruesome examples include, but are not limited to:

-Finger amputation

-Gangren

e

-unsightly sausage fingers

-having to cut the ring off

-Loss of ability to play the piano

-Loss of

ability to give a proper high five

Anyhow, she decided that it was time to finally put it away. I have to give her credit, she ditched her other rings a couple months ago, but "Valued our bond" (groan) so much that she was reluctant to take it off. Plus, the guys at the Applebee's bar wouldn't hit on her as much without the wedding ring.

Pictured: Proof I'm a good Husband... oh hey, can I buy you a drink?

So she globs some slobber on her ring finger and gives a gentle tug to get it to slide free. No dice. It's worn out a delightful rut, and begun to integrate into the matrix of her hand-flesh.

Ok, no problem, we'll just throw som

e hand soap on there to help it slide up the proverbial hill. Sadly, being an engineer I know that thinks don't tend to slide up hills. I do not mention this though, as I don't think she's in the mood for a newtonian physics lesson.

Soap is unsuccessful, and now her finger is swollen from being rubbed, abraded and squeezed. Cue the anxiety attack.

A: "It won't come off."

M: "Don't pick at it, and calm down, it's ok."

A: "I can't calm down. My finger is goign to pop, there's too much blood in it!"

M: "I doubt that's true."

A: "Shut up. Look at my finger."

M: "Holy smokes, there's too much finger on the end of your finger. You could pick your nose while you pick your nose."

This is a joke about this.

After some research (By research I mean googling "How the crap do I get my wedding ring off?") Abby was sitting with her hand in the air holding an icepack for a few minutes. Then, she went all Lady Macbeth on that ring and she got out that damn spot.

End of story: her ring finger is bruised and scratched, the ring is safely stored, and the Gestation continues.